As a mom we all at some point or another will suffer from mom guilt. Not feeling like you’re spending enough time with our babies, dropping them at daycare while you head to work, passing them off to the nanny so you can have some time to yourself, or hiring a babysitter to put your kids to bed so you can enjoy an overdue date night with your man or girlfriends. This list could go on and on, but the point is that these are all things we as moms can’t help but feel guilty about but shouldn’t feel guilty for.
Let’s be real though because I’ve felt the guilt at times, and today has just been one of those days where I just feel so guilty. Maybe because of hormones and maybe because I don’t like seeing my baby sad.
Yesterday my son was sitting on the bathroom counter over the sink brushing his teeth and I had bent over for a quick second to pick up his towel he used after his bath. Next thing I know he has a Q-tip in his ear he grabbed from the cup near the hand soap and as I went to grab it, he flinched his head away pushing the Q-tip further into his ear. It obviously must’ve killed because he started losing his breath crying and hugging me. I eventually calmed him down, but on top of him teething the last few days and then this happening I felt terrible. Later that night, he woke up crying and he doesn’t usually do that. He’ll usually sleep from 7-7. I ran in there and calmed him down. All I could think of was his ear was really hurting. Then he woke up again a second time and Nick went in there and comforted him. I barely slept, and started Googling the worst things that can happen to babies if they stick a Q-tip to far in their ear.
Today, I woke up tired and so sad after such a bad nights sleep worrying. Sebastian seemed fine but tired as well. As I made him breakfast I couldn’t help but think the worst of his ear and debated taking him to the pediatrician to get looked at. I then started thinking about how sad he’s going to be when I leave him at kid’s club today at the gym if I don’t end up taking him to the doctor. I also thought about all the germs I’d expose him to if I took him to the doctors and nothing was really wrong. Then, I started thinking about how much he hates getting haircuts and how he’s going to cry the entire time he gets that done today too.
All of these emotions started to make me sad asking myself, “What is the right thing to do then?” Should I cancel his hair appointment and reschedule for a better day, or do I compromise and not go to the gym. I just really didn’t want to have my baby be sad anymore and I didn’t want to leave him. I just felt so guilty.
I started crying and called my husband not maybe 10 minutes after he had left for work. He calmed me down and told me that Sebastian is just going to have to learn and adjust to going to kids club again and he has to get his haircut so there’s no getting around that. He also said to give his ear another day and go from there. I agreed with all of this, but it just tugged at my heart assuming how upset he was going to be.
I then decided we’d go to the gym and of course, like he has been since we got back from Sweden, he wouldn’t let go of me. He was like a monkey grabbing onto whatever he could on me. I tried to distract him and eventually he calmed down, and I snuck out. Guilt just tore my mind apart wondering if he was still crying as I made my way to the treadmills. After my workout, I felt better and when I went back in to grab him, he was all smiles again.
Now I have one more hurdle to get through and that’s the haircut. There is everything and anything to distract babies while they’re getting it done, but the sound of the scissors freaks Sebby out. He thinks he’s going to get hurt or something.
This was taken from his last haircut after it was over!
During his haircut today I just kept trying to distract him with suckers (which he never gets), TV, and different toys. He did much better this time around, but still whined a bit and would say “ow” every time the scissors closed. We left with no tears, thank God, and I treated him to a playdate afterwards which he loved.
Although these are small things that I shouldn’t worry or feel guilty for doing, I still do. It’s the hardest thing leaving your child at daycare whether it’s for a whole day or just an hour while they cry, watching you walk away. Or seeing them get hurt and feeling like it’s your fault, and could have been prevented.
Moms face guilt daily when it comes to their kids. I know that this hasn’t been the first time nor the last, but finding a way to cope with it is the only way. Pushing it out of your mind and knowing that your babies are going to be okay. Figuring out a way to comfort them the best you can, and finding time for yourself is a balancing act but is doable.
I need to push through on days like this and keep going no matter the circumstances. Remembering that it’ll pass and he’ll be over whatever it is in no time. Although I wish I could take the pain away from him whenever he’s hurting or sad. This is just a mom’s instinct though and will probably never go away let’s be honest.
So, for now I will comfort and hug and love on my babies as much as I possibly can, because one day they’ll be grown up and not need or want me as much.
Thanks for listening, and know you’re not alone.